Real Life: Relationships, Keto & (Over-)sharing
4 Minute Read: Relationships, partnerships, vulnerability, keto diet, weight loss, intuitive eating.
Are you in a relationship? How about a partnership? Do share the ups and downs with “outsiders”? As I navigate difficult waters in partnership, I feel strong resistance to talking about it – whether here or elsewhere. My best friend Steve is the exception. Presently, he’s the ONLY one I want advice from on such matters.
This series is all about “real life,” yet I’ve been omitting what's most real for me right now.
This speaks to a wider pattern I’m noticing, as I open up in this space and investigate what feels kind, supportive and skillful.
For the most part, I love inviting more intimate conversation. Such a relief and joy to show up as I am, without trying to be anyone else or edit my authentic self.
That said, sharing doesn’t feel safe, helpful or wise when I’m still in the densest, most painful parts of processing or healing. For me, it crosses a line from sharing…to over-sharing. It goes from connecting…to disconnecting. It feels overexposed…and opens me up to advice or even “soothing” that I do not want and have not requested.
How do you all navigate sharing and vulnerability? What feels supportive…and not so much? Whether on social media…or in person?
I truly would love to chat about “vulnerability rules” or your exploration of public sharing in the comments.
Meanwhile, my my nutrition class’s Sobriety Project is underway.
My “thing to give up” is two-fold:
I’m forgoing all sugar/dessert on work nights (and days – it's just that my only dessert of the day comes after dinner).
I’m not buying any "extra drinks" while out and about (whether kombucha, coffee, tea, etc.).
Giving these up has brought an interesting twist: Since I already eat low-carb, minimal-sugar, mostly vegetarian, paleo-primal…cutting my evening dessert + afternoon kombucha has me dipping into ketosis and losing weight.
The weight loss is expected: For most people, going keto is the surest way to drop pounds and lean out. For me, with my body + past patterns, this is NOT so helpful. It’s definitely a personalized reminder of something I tell clients and students all the time:
One person’s medicine is another’s poison.
Cutting the afternoon drink is less about the substance (which I’m totally fine with, so long as it’s not extra coffee)...and more about curbing the "buy a drink to get through the day" habit. That expense adds up and is totally unneeded. It also raises the questions:
Why exactly does buying a “pick-me-up treat” have a hook for me?
What am I truly craving and needing in those moments? (Clearly NOT a coffee or kombucha.)
Have I stuck with my two “resolutions”? Absolutely! I'm great at that: When I commit to a thing, I follow through without wavering – 100 percent.
For me, this is actually part of an unhelpful pattern! Others have the exact opposite challenge. Again, one person’s medicine…
Such explorations reflect how I continuously investigate my own relationship with eating…even as I coach and teach others.
It’s an un-ended, mindful process – one that gets to the heart of beliefs, fears and patterns that affect every part of us and every relationship in our lives.
For more on that, check my “diet guidelines” post from last week. It offers a roadmap for finding YOUR optimal diet, plus:
Explains my approach to intuitive eating
Gives a sense of what working with me looks like
Shows how I eat and continuously fine-tune my own eating pattern
Oh, and I’ll be sending a pretty pdf of the guidelines to newsletter subscribers this Friday. Meanwhile, have a restful Sunday, and here are some…
Recipes + Links
On death, and walking each other home. How do you think about dying? (Just an average Sunday question.)
On giving advice (please don’t, without asking). “By asking if I wanted her feedback, she’d respected my ability to make my own decisions, offering me a supportive space to lay out my thoughts and examine them without interference. Instead of automatically directing me towards the conclusion she thought was best, her actions taught me a lesson in consideration.”
Related: hopepunk or hype? I’m not a fan of memes or hackneyed “you got this” quotes. Still, there's good here: "Memes, for example…communicate something that’s otherwise a little wishy-washy, like introversion or FOMO, and make it into a universal in-joke."
Soups, sweaters and smart writing. I do not 100 percent approve of all these soups or all these sweaters. But soup! Sweaters! Funny, smart writing!
A ramen soup that I DO approve. I’ll be omitting the chicken (it’s a stellar addition, just not my thing).
A short listen on windless days. Where can you make it easier? What do you miss if you’re always doing?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on these links…your relationship with vulnerability…and how you decide what goes on your plate. Please send a note or meet me in the comments! xo